Grief, Growth, and Grace: My Journey Through Life’s Changes
Let me be transparent: 2024 was a year I’ll never forget—a year of monumental change filled with lessons, love, and loss. I needed a moment to sit down, breathe, and process everything I went through in a literal 12-month span. It’s safe to say I experienced some major life transitions, which, by definition, are significant shifts in roles, responsibilities, and routines that require us to adapt to new circumstances.
As women, we often face these transitions - some more gracefully than others. Here are just a few examples of transitions we may face:
Reaching a Milestone Age – Stepping into a new decade with renewed purpose and a new attitude!
Marriage or Serious Commitment – Finding your forever person and taking the leap of faith or chaos - often described as year 1 of marriage.
Divorce or Separation – Realizing he wasn’t “The One” and now you’re focusing on rebuilding your life.
Becoming a Parent – Welcoming a new life, whether through birth, adoption, or other paths through which you have become a parent. It’s a huge transition that requires much strength and concentration.
Career Changes – Acknowledging there are different ways to achieve success based on your own definition of it.
Becoming an Empty Nester – Watching your children spread their wings and fly, see them turn into adults while missing the noise around the house already.
Losing a Loved One – Coping with the question “How will I live without them?”. Navigating the world without that someone you will always love deeply.
Retirement – You have served well and now it’s time to step into a season where the time is truly your own.
We’ve all been there in some way. But let me tell you about my year, a little bit about the major life changes that occurred in my realm, and how my understanding of change helped me with my thoughts, grief, and growth.
My Year of Monumental Changes
Of the transitions listed above, I encountered two within 1 year and two additional ones within 4 years. I will focus on 2024, but the transitions truly started shaking up my life in 2020.
In the past 12 months, I:
Gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy (yes, I’m biased).
Lost my best friend, my mom, to cancer.
Let’s pause for a moment and recognize the other monumental changes that occurred within the four years prior to these life-altering events: marrying my amazing husband and becoming an empty nester. The changes in my life were a whirlwind of emotions—joy, grief, love, and uncertainty—all packed into a relatively short time. Side note: life is difficult grieving the changes of loss but doing it while remembering how to change a diaper at 3:00 am takes it to a new level!
How does so much change happen all at once? Only God knows - I do know that He never puts more on us than we can handle. The pressure cooker of the last year taught me resilience and the importance of intentional decision-making.
The Real Question: How Do You Navigate Monumental Changes?
Honestly, I do not have the perfect answer - especially as I continue to navigate myself. The process is not complete but less hectic, given my knowledge of change management and Kubler Ross’s grief process. One theory that I leaned on for navigating these changes is Hirschman’s Exit, Voice, and Loyalty model. I know—it sounds very corporate, but stick with me here. It’s a model that suggests three potential responses to change:
Exit: Walk away from what no longer serves you, nor do you feel heard or valued.
Voice: Speak up, fix what’s broken, and hold on to hope. Change can benefit both parties and support a healthy relationship.
Loyalty: Stay committed and hopeful for positive change even when it’s tough because you believe it’s worth it.
For me, the changes impacted my entire life—career, school, family, and the million other hats I wear. So, I had to ask myself:
What is most important to me right now?
Where do I actually need to show up?
I had to determine over the last year and into 2025 – Exit, Voice, or Loyalty and how to divide my time.
Choosing My Path
Here’s what I learned: you can’t do it all. During my pregnancy and as I supported my mother through her declining health, I realized I couldn’t do it all. I had to make the difficult decision to Exit certain commitments. Work, school, and my business—BRI—took a backseat. While this wasn’t easy, I knew it was necessary for my mental health, my family, and my pregnancy.
And let me tell you, this Type-A planner had a moment about it. But I knew I couldn’t pour from an empty cup. By stepping back, I gave myself the space to grieve, prepare for my son’s arrival, and just breathe.
After giving birth, I kept hitting the pause button. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But sometimes you’ve got to protect your peace and prioritize your people, and it allowed me to continue to grieve my mother’s passing, bond with my son, and reclaim some mental clarity. By using my Voice, I communicated my needs to my support system, including my workplace, and was blessed to be heard and understood.
Finding Balance in the Imbalance
We often hear about Work-Life Balance, but let’s be real—it’s unrealistic and not always achievable. Instead, I focused on prioritizing what truly mattered at the moment. The one word missing above is Loyalty.
In each moment, I was loyal to the feeling that was being felt in my heart. Sometimes this meant sitting in silence to have those memories of my final conversation with my mom - the amazing exchanges of the magical words - I love you. The flash moments of inconsolable crying as I remember that I will no longer hear her voice. Other times, it meant drowning out the world so that I can look into my son’s beautiful brown eyes and be reminded that life is beautiful. You know what, changing loyalty in the moment is okay. Overall, my earthly loyalty is to my family for monumental moments like these current ones.
What About You?
Are you facing a pivotal moment in your life? Are you wrestling with whether to Exit, Voice, or remain Loyal? Do you need to be heard in your life-altering changes?? If not, what’s your next step, and are you prepared for it?
For me, it wasn’t just about these decisions—it was about leaning on my spirituality, my tribe of supportive sisters, and the lessons life has taught me about change.
Let’s Stay Connected
If this post resonates, follow me on social media so you can stay updated on all our new events and pieces of content on how to improve our skills while facing changes.
Starting in the Spring of 2025, we’re launching Moms in Bloom, a monthly space where we’ll talk about life, transitions, and everything in between - I’d love to see you there!
