Rise and Embrace Your True Freedom
Maya Angelou's poem, "Still I Rise," holds a special place in my heart. Its words speak to the spirit of women who rise up in the face of adversity, despite obstacles and challenges. Through missteps, misrepresentation, and misaligned behavior – still, she rises.
Throughout my own life, I have witnessed firsthand how women, particularly mothers, have an incredible capacity to rise above any situation with grace and strength. My first ministry at church was titled "And Still I Rise: The Making of a Butterfly," with a specific focus on aiding women and families who have experienced domestic violence. I utilized my knowledge and expertise to help support women break the chains of domestic violence. Now, I am building a platform, Butterfly Rising Institute, which is an institute for single mothers. The institute was born through my experience and testimony of being a single mother raising a son.
Butterfly Rising Institute supports mothers in the areas of communication, career, and cash flow. These are the three critical areas I found that pull on us as single mothers. I also understand these three areas can be significant sources of stress, which is why our institute is dedicated to addressing and alleviating those stressors.
Career challenges:
Wanting to propel your career, but you are not able to attend the Happy Hours and build key relationships to support your success.
Leaving work early to pick up your child from daycare may limit opportunities and make it difficult for career advancement while colleagues work later hours and are more visible.
Being the only one who looks and feels like you – whether it relates to your ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation.
Communication challenges:
Toxic parental relationship leads to contention and arguments which ultimately results in losing focus on the child.
Unable to communicate to your boss that you have other responsibilities without feeling like you are letting them down or not committed to your career.
Difficulty setting boundaries and draining your energy on tasks that do not serve you.
Cash Flow challenges:
You’re faced with choosing between your mortgage, car payment, and household bills because everything is due at the same time.
Saving just enough to afford one fun family activity for the week but unable to plan for a real family vacation.
There is no financial support for you from governmental assistance because you are over the income threshold.
As a single mother, I have personally experienced the pain and frustration of feeling like everything in my life is broken. It took me around a decade to break free and gain the freedom to fly like a butterfly. Through this process, I developed a unique method that helped me escape from captivity - the Butterfly Rising Method (BR Method™).
The BR Method™ draws upon change-management principles to empower women in making effective and efficient change. One crucial aspect of the method is recognizing what needs to die – yes, die. Every single mother experiences a grieving process, and I personally went through the pain of losing my ideal life. The idea of not marrying my child's father, slowing down my career, and struggling to afford basic necessities paralyzed me with fear.
After a particularly intense argument with my son's father, I knew I needed to make a change. As fate would have it, I was working as a facilitator for the Colorado State department at the time, where I was introduced to Lean principles - a method for identifying and navigating from the current state to a desired future state. Intrigued by the approach, I decided to apply these principles and tools to my own life. Here are the three key steps I took:
Identified my current state
Taking inventory: This is when you identify everything that is occuring in your life that may be blocking you. For me, I acknowledged that I did not fully value myself and recognized that I was trapped in a toxic relationship. I realized that I was merely going through the motions of life, without sufficient funds to enjoy family outings and vacations, and that I was not content with my career. I knew I needed to make changes to achieve the stress-free, drama-free future I desired. My first step was to declutter and remove distractions and tasks that were making my life messy, and begin breaking the emotional ties that bound me to heartache, anger, and depression.
2. Identified My Future
Eliminate Waste. Have you ever just attended a meeting or an event just to be present but you think to yourself, why? Not all of the activities we do on a recurring basis is good for our growth. I realized about 10 years ago that I needed to dedicate more time to those tasks that developed not only my child - but me as well. My future included bettering myself - both mentally and physically. So, I reviewed my inventory and started crossing out what did not serve me at the time. It may sound selfish but sometimes you must fill your cup so that you may pour into others. These goals seem small but the impacts were monumental in my life and helped me become a better parent, friend, and professional. The key to identifying our future and achieving success is to eliminate waste and focus on what truly matters.
3. Created a path forward
With two primary goals of bettering myself - both emotionally and physically - I took several steps to support my personal growth. Firstly, I decided to enroll at the University of Denver for my Master’s degree. Secondly, I encouraged myself to leave a toxic relationship, recognizing that this relationship was holding me back emotionally and draining my energy, which I needed to focus on my physical and emotional well-being. Finally, I started to build for my son's future, which provided me with a sense of purpose and fulfillment while also giving me the motivation to take care of myself, physically and emotionally. By creating a priority list and action plan, I was able to achieve my goals of obtaining my Master's degree and becoming a marathon runner, while also removing myself from a toxic situation. Though the path forward often seemed like a steep mountain to climb, with diligence in forward movement, I was able to reach the peak and continue to strive towards personal growth and well-being.
As I progressed through the steps, I experienced a newfound sense of liberation. Although I didn't amass a fortune, I managed to save enough money to work towards financial independence and plan for my son's college education.
After ending things with my son's father, I didn't immediately jump into another relationship. Instead, I found solace in being alone.
I developed the BR Method™ to help other single mothers work through challenges that may be holding them back. If you would like to learn more about it, visit our website.