Shattered Glass: embracing imperfections and rediscovering you
The term "shattered glass" paints a vivid picture of a once pristine glass carefully crafted by an artist to achieve perfection. But what happens when that glass shatters? It gives rise to a multitude of emotions and feelings. A sense of loss and regret accompanies the fragments of broken glass. For instance, we often hold onto a perfect vision of what our lives should be like in our 20s, 30s, or even 40s. Our idealized image may include flourishing children, a loving marriage with daily expressions of affection, a successful career with universal respect, and a strong self-image reflecting high self-esteem. However, I'm here to tell you that this pursuit of perfection must be shattered.
At first glance, this notion might seem counterintuitive, and I understand any initial confusion. I, too, grappled with this concept until I gained wisdom in change management and its impact on individuals. The perfect picture in our minds is not real; instead, we must redirect our focus toward the shattered pieces. By acknowledging and accepting these broken fragments, we can begin to embrace our identities as single mothers who navigate life's challenges with resilience. In my personal and professional training sessions, I encourage individuals and teams to reflect on what they truly aspire to become. However, there's a crucial caveat to this introspection. The questions we should be asking ourselves are not:
1. What does my child want me to become?
2. What do my parents want me to become?
3. What does my work want me to become?
4. What does society want me to become?
Instead, we must ask ourselves: What do I want to become? Single mothers often feel trapped in preconceived roles, believing they are perceived as unequal or inferior due to their status. Extensive research has revealed the bewildering and depressing stigma associated with single motherhood.
Throughout my years as a single parent, I encountered various judgmental comments, such as:
She is a low performer…
Contrary to these baseless assumptions, being a single parent does not hinder our ability to excel in our work. A concept known as "organizational labor" explores how mothers successfully balance domestic responsibilities with demanding jobs (Eve Worth and Laura Patterson, 2020). We possess exceptional multitasking skills, and it's unfair to let such judgments mentally slow us down.
She is angry…
I'll be honest—there were moments when I felt angry, but not necessarily because I was a single mother. The frustration stemmed from having to prove myself repeatedly. Have you experienced this too? Excelling in your career, only to be questioned about the significance of your role as a mother and fearing that your boss might perceive you as weak? This is not anger; it's a hurt that festers and eventually manifests as anger. My focus went to the root of the issues.
She will never find a husband…
Ladies, perhaps you've encountered thoughts like these: No man will ever love me because I have a child; I should settle because I might not find someone else; or even though the communication is toxic, deep down, I know he loves me. However, if you believe this falsehood, it may come true. We have not found the “one” because there is still work to do on the number one - YOU.
These falsehoods haunted me for years, as I heard them repeatedly, slowly succumbing to their influence. But I realized I had to shatter the glass—or rather, shatter myself. Remember, this is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Shattered glass may seem sharp and daunting, but when those broken pieces are melted down and reshaped, they become something new and beautiful. They become a new version of YOU.
Until we meet or until the next blog, I want you to take action. Follow these three steps and send an email to let me know how the process felt:
Write out at least three untruths you heard about yourself - either internally or externally
Now, be honest, are any of these fully or partially true? Before accepting the truth of someone else, take an introspective look. Once again, what needs to be shattered and molded into something new?
Take a step - any step - towards writing your own story. Maybe start by looking in the mirror and saying this sentence: “I am a beautiful woman who plans on conquering my dreams today, and no one will stop me.”
If you're ready to liberate yourself from the constraints of societal expectations and embark on this transformative journey, I invite you to subscribe to our newsletter, Butterfly Rising Institute Newsletter. By subscribing, you'll receive valuable insights, practical tips, and empowering resources to help you navigate change, embrace your true self, and create your desired life.
Join our community of individuals breaking free from limitations, shattering glass ceilings, and discovering their true potential. It's time to create a new you—a version that reflects your authentic self and celebrates your unique journey. Subscribe today and let the metamorphosis begin.